DON'T PANIC

I am being dragged kicking and screaming (appropriately enough) away from my work to go to Halloween Horror Nights in Orlando. I will be back in 2 days..... roughly. In the meantime, here is something that may or may not entertain you, briefly.

I had a Skype conversation with my girlfriend recently that went like this.....

Girlfriend: I love you.

Me: I wanna stand with you on a mountain….

Girlfriend: I wanna bathe with you in the sea….

Me: We should totally do all the things in that song together. It would be so romantic. Stand together on a mountain, bathe in the sea, until the sky comes down on us.  

Girlfriend: That would be awesome…. Except I don't know how we'd accomplish that last part.

Me: ……………………… ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!   

Girlfriend: LOL! *Dead*

(Yeah, so if you guys see a massive explosion and subsequent pieces of sky raining down, don't worry, that's just me having a romantic evening with my girlfriend.)

Girlfriend: I don't know how you got to that conclusion before I did seeing as how whenever we co-op game, I'm always the one with the rocket launcher.  

Me: My go-to response has become WWMCA,RL-WGFD.

Girlfriend: O_O; ……..If you do, you're going to clean it up.  

Me: What would my crazy ass, rocket launcher-wielding girlfriend do?

Girlfriend: Ah....... well, when in doubt, ROCKET LAUNCHER!

Me: Not sure if want red or green Tabasco sauce.….…..  ROCKET LAUNCHER!

Girlfriend:  *Dead*

Me: STOP DYING. You're using up all my phoenix downs.

Girlfriend: *Faint*

Me: Not sure if legitimately unconscious or pretending ………………… ROCKET LAUNCHER!!!  

Girlfriend: GGGAAAAHHHH! NO NONONONONONO NO!

Me: Whooo! See? When in doubt, ROCKET LAUNCHER! Works every time. That was pretty much how you got through RE5 on pro. Remember when you blew me up that one…. uh…. two ….. three…………… ten times……….

Girlfriend: That was just my way of saying "I love you."

Me: Well in that case, I hope I never give you cause to express "fuck off." What's scarier than a rocket launcher?

Girlfriend: Many rocket launchers.

Me: Bring it. I'll throw some spiders at you.

Girlfriend: NNNOOOOOOOUUUOOOOUUUOOOOUUOOOOOOO!!! (deathly afraid of spiders)

Me: SPIDERS! *Starts firing rocket propelled spiders at you*

Girlfriend: I HATE YOU!

Me: SPIDERS!!!!!!

Girlfriend: Wait…. I have a rocket launcher.

Me: SPIDERS.

Girlfriend: *runs away*

Me: I win. Maybe we should change our co-op motto to "When in doubt, SPIDERS!"

Girlfriend. No. Nope. Nu-uh. Never. Not going to happen. I will divorce you. Your name will become anathema among my people. And you will never be spoken of again. The only thing worse than spiders are clowns and Furbies.

Me: COME TO ME, my army of clown-furby-spiders! COME! Together we shall conquer all the things. ALL OF THEM. CONQUER ALL THE THINGS.

Girlfriend: DIVORCE. DEVORCING. DEVORCED.

Me: I gave that bitch some clown-furby-spiders. Apparently bitches don't like clown-furby-spiders.

Girlfriend: *dead*

Me: Great, now she's divorced AND dead! Boy, you're battin' 0 today sweetie-pants. The only thing that could be worse is if someone took all your bacon. Dead, divorced, and baconless. Sheesh. Let's just hope that doesn't happen.

Girlfriend: I actually don't care for bacon all that much.

Me: …………………………. Y-You deny the holy truth of Manifestbaconization!? HEATHEN!  

Girlfriend: It's true. I can live without bacon.

Me: No you can't. It is essential. Hydrogen, carbon, oxygen, bacongen. True fact. Google told me. Humans cannot live without bacon.

Girlfriend: Then I must not be human.

Me: I find this most concerning. *pokes with a stick* You must be a sea urchin.

Girlfriend: A.... what? Why would you come to that conclusion?

Me: You do not like bacon, therefore you are a sea urchin.... or possibly some kind of wild yam.... *poke* but I'm leaning towards sea urchin.  

________________

.......and the conversation just went on and on like that. I may or may not be slightly insane.