Satan: Aw damn it! I just know there's got to be a vagina in there somewhere. *scour scour* Why do I feel like I'm playing 'Where's Waldo' except with vaginas?
Me: Oh for Christ's sake! Leave it up to you to find a way to connect a classic childhood game with vaginas.
Satan: Easy peasy! It's like 'Six Degrees of Separation from Kevin Bacon' except with vagina instead of Kevin Bacon. Wanna play?
Me: I'll pass.
Satan: At least there are titties. Can I touch em?
Me: Sure, if you want to be assimilated.
Satan: What is she supposed to be anyway?
Me: The Little Mermaid as imagined by Wes Craven.
Satan: Ah. I would have thought 'Ann Coulter as imagined by Doctor Seuss.'
Satan: So what's going on here exactly?
Me: Breakfast. Drowning victims a la seaweed.
Satan: Mmmm, drowning victims, tasty! Though I'm really more of an 'autoerotic asphyxiation victim with ketchup and a side of breaded eyeballs' kinda person myself.
Me: ........I like rice.
Satan: With....? Severed fingers? Kidney stones? Eye-booger jam?
Me: ...with butter.
Satan: -___O; Rice and butter? How bold. Why don't you try some mild Tabasco sauce with that instead, Captain Adventure Pants.
Me: Yeah well, look where being adventurous got you, Captain Lake-o-fire for all Eternity... Pants.
Satan: At least I'm enjoying life! You, with your "rice and butter," ...you're practically in a coma! You need to be rescued. I'll send someone right away. Just make sure you're not in another castle or he'll rescue everyone and their kid sister before he gets to you. Also, hide your shroom stash and I hope to baby Jesus that you don't have any pet turtles.