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About Digital Art / Professional Core Member Bobbie Jean PentecostFemale/United States Groups :iconnew-sculptors-guild: New-Sculptors-Guild
Sculpting has no exclusiv medium
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Deviant for 9 Years
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Given by alinsavix
Statistics 341 Deviations 9,735 Comments 717,822 Pageviews

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BJPentecost
Bobbie Jean Pentecost
Artist | Professional | Digital Art
United States
Everything you need to know about me can be found here: fav.me/d4b6hqb

COMMISSIONS: I am currently closed. I will make an announcement when I reopen.

Please check out my Shapeways shop: www.shapeways.com/shops/bobbie… All proceeds go towards student loans, supporting my elderly parents, and paying medical debt.
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For those out of the loop.

Whatever this is, it's hitting me hard, fast, and it's unremitting. I've been effectively and continuously debilitated for a straight week now and intermittently throughout the past two months. I have to look at my computer screen with sunglasses on even to type this and I'm having a lot of difficulty putting coherent thoughts together. I certainly can't paint. I've tried several times and usually brings on a grab bag of lovely consequences like blinding migraines, inflammation around my eyes so severe I can't see, and horrendous neck pain way beyond anything that's normal.

My health insurance doesn't kick in until Feb 1 so until then, there's nothing for me to do but sit here and wait and try to get some work done between flareups. Even when it does kick in and I can get in to see a doctor, there's no guarantee they'll be able to help as they've proven entirely useless to this point.

***If this goes away, I will resume commissions so if you were in my queue and want to stay there, that's fine. I'll keep you apprised.

I'm not feeling very hopeful at the moment. I straight up stopped breathing in my sleep last night and woke up gasping for air. 

Activity


For those out of the loop.

Whatever this is, it's hitting me hard, fast, and it's unremitting. I've been effectively and continuously debilitated for a straight week now and intermittently throughout the past two months. I have to look at my computer screen with sunglasses on even to type this and I'm having a lot of difficulty putting coherent thoughts together. I certainly can't paint. I've tried several times and usually brings on a grab bag of lovely consequences like blinding migraines, inflammation around my eyes so severe I can't see, and horrendous neck pain way beyond anything that's normal.

My health insurance doesn't kick in until Feb 1 so until then, there's nothing for me to do but sit here and wait and try to get some work done between flareups. Even when it does kick in and I can get in to see a doctor, there's no guarantee they'll be able to help as they've proven entirely useless to this point.

***If this goes away, I will resume commissions so if you were in my queue and want to stay there, that's fine. I'll keep you apprised.

I'm not feeling very hopeful at the moment. I straight up stopped breathing in my sleep last night and woke up gasping for air. 
TL;DR backstory: For the past seven or eight years, I have been suffering episodes during which I experience a marked, precipitous decline in visual acuity accompanied by neck pain, inflammation and pain in the eyes, increased intraocular pressure, pain on eye movement, and fatigue. When the episode ends, my eyesight stabilizes but is a little worse than before.  

I haven't given an update on my eyesight in a while as I thought I had it under control. Thanks to the Olympic medal winningly useless doctors around here, I was left with no choice but to self-diagnose off Google. Yeah, I know, but what else was I supposed to? I have been to many, many doctors about this over the last few years and all I get is a fucklot of "I unno." You'd think one of these morons would have thought "that sounds like migraine symptoms!" but no such luck. I always thought migraines were just glorified headaches and they had never been a problem before so I would never have thought migraine was the culprit. The next time I had one of these episodes, I took Excedrin Migraine which cleared it right up. I stopped noticing declines in my eyesight immediately. Problem seemed to be solved.

Eventually, however, the migraines stopped responding predictably and consistently to Excedrin migraine. So I'd take Advil instead which also seemed to work, though, sometimes, the migraines wouldn't respond to that either. Sometimes the pain responds to either or neither. I never really know. It's a guessing game which I'm sure my liver and kidneys just love. So when this started happening, I decided it might behoove me to see a doctor despite their previous track record of award-winning excellence in uselessness. Figured I'd try a new one. Fresh start. Maybe I'll get lucky. She has a great reputation. People really like her. NOPE! More of the same. "I unno." She ran some routine blood tests and they all came back normal which ended in more "I unno" followed by "don't let the door hit you on the way out k thanx bye." No "hm, that's strange. I'll run some more tests" or "I'll refer you to a neurologist." Nope. Just "bye." That's all I get. "I unno" and "bye."

It has become abundantly clear to me that I'm dealing with something far worse than migraines which I'm pretty sure are not supposed to last a month or more. They have also started co-presenting with the following lovely new symptoms: generalized pain that moves around, increased sensitivity to pain, arthritis-like stiffness, increased intracranial pressure, feeling feverish without fever, cognitive impairment, heart palpitations, difficulty concentrating, excessive thirst, unrestful sleep and sleep disturbances, anxiety attacks, depression, severe vision disturbances, dyspnea (difficulty breathing) with no past history of breathing problems, numbness and tingling in the fingers and toes, weakness in the extremities, pain on tactile stimulation, decreased sensitivity in hands and feet after tingling/numbness recedes, edema, and a few other symptoms I don't need to TMI you with.

I am very probably looking at fibromyalgia, however, that doesn't explain my eye problem because fibro isn't degenerative and doesn't come with inflammation which means on top of fibro, I'm probably also looking at MS, Sjögren's syndrome, or something else that is degenerative. I don't know because to this point, literally every single doctor I have seen about this, probably upwards of fifteen individuals by now, has been totally and completely useless.

I don't have T2 Diabetes. We know at least that much. My HGA1C was 4.something at last check and my fasting blood sugar is always around 80-something. I am at seriously high risk for T2D thanks to genetic predisposition and PCOS (50% of women with PCOS will become diabetic) but I'm not there yet thanks to a regular regimen of exercise and a mostly healthy diet (not going to pretend I don't occasionally snag a bag of peanut MnMs). Still, no matter how you slice it, the prognosis isn't good, especially considering that I can't get any of these morons down here to pull their heads out of their assholes long enough to help me.

I am going to reach out one last time. That is it. Once. To a neurologist. And if I get one more fucking "unno" I give up. I can't keep throwing money at this. Even with insurance, my medical bills are starting to get ridiculous. If I sound angry, it is because I am very angry and extremely frustrated. Of the 25+ doctors I have seen throughout the course of my life, 3 have helped me in an objectively beneficial way. The rest have harmed me, attempted to harm me, dismissed me outright, or attempted to kill me. Don't mistake me. This isn't some kind of weird paranoia. I'm sure at least some of these doctors honestly thought they were doing the right thing. Some were undoubtedly pill-pushing but most of them likely thought they were helping. Fact is, they weren't. I almost died twice as a direct result of brazen, inexcusable ignorance on the part of doctors and a huge chunk of my life was ruined or at least ruined in part thanks to pill-pushers, ignorants, and apathetic assholes.

I'm not saying all doctors are bad. They saved my mother's life for which I am unendingly grateful. Maybe I've just had really rotten luck and happened to stumble on every one of the worst doctors from NY to FL. I suppose that's possible. Either way, I'm in deep shit and frankly, I don't know that I can survive going blind.  

So that's that. You've been apprised.
Suxamethonium Chloride a la Mode
I feel like I need to get better at sketching and posing so instead of continuing to make excuses like "I just don't think that way," I'm gonna put the 10K hours in and hope I come out the other side better. I would like to get into graphic noveling and let's face facts here- my style is NOT conducive with that AT ALL unless I want to turn out like... a page a year. Hahaha but seriously, no.

Only way to "git gud" is stop making excuses and try. If it doesn't work out, at least I can say I gave it a shot. No Zbrush, no references- all straight out of my imagination. Girl with the glasses on the bottom right is the discard from an eenie meenie minee mo but I didn't want to delete it because reasons so I saved it and stuck it there. Definitely not a sketch.

I think I did alright considering that sketching is not my strong suit and before you say something like "But these are really good!" Go look at Bridgeman, Hogarth, and Gurney sketches. Then you'll know what good sketching is. Every time I see their work, it makes me shrivel a little inside and wish I had gone into veterinary medicine instead. =P

Oh and meet Izeran Austero! He's the guy in the middle. Not a character I draw often but definitely one of my faves. MmmPH! I'd hit that like a Mack truck on the highway doing 20 over. Yummy. Also fond of the pudgy girl, bottom middle. She can have some Mack love too.
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A friend of mine, who is a totally awesome dood, sent me a JESUS METRIC HOLY CHRIST-TON of rum cake for Christmas last year which I am quite delighted by because rum cake is nummy. I have a literal stack of rum cake in my room right now. :P (Thank you again, btw, dood.) So, yesterday, I decided I wanted to have a piece of rum cake. I grabbed the box labeled "Rum Swizzle" and went out into the kitchen. My cat, Bilbo, a pudgy gray tabby, saw this and followed after me because if I'm going out to the kitchen, that probably means "get food" or at least an opportunity to plant his fat ass in the middle of whatever I'm doing and "get attention." Those are his two main motivations in life- get food, get attention… and also wait for the exact !@#$%^&*ing moment I'm done cleaning the kitty shitter box before he goes in there and takes the most gnarly nose hair-curling dump he can muster.

Anyway, so, I proceeded to attempt opening the box. Mind you, there is a genetic predisposition in my family that renders our women utterly, totally, and entirely inept at opening things. It doesn't matter what it is. If it involves being opened, we will find some way to catastrophically fuck it up. Jars have shattered on floors, plastic shards have lacerated flesh, food has gone sailing overhead and splattered the cabinets behind, liquid has erupted skyward, and even simple doors occasionally pose a problem for women of my family- I mean WAY above the standard deviation for failing at opening things.

So I knew I was in for a fight. The cardboard opened easily enough. The tissue paper put up a bit of a struggle but I managed to persevere. The plastic, however, was a formidable foe and would not yield without a fight. I could have just grabbed a pair of scissors I suppose BUT THAT WOULD BE CHEATING! So I wrestled that villainous plastic into submission, reached in, grabbed that rum cake right by the ass, and yanked it out into the light of DAY! …only for it to cartwheel up my forearm like a Ferris wheel off its hinges.

I have NO IDEA why my reflex was to flail as the rum cake neared my elbow but that is exactly what I did and it went sailing into the air like a great, majestic donut, at which point, some woefully mistaken part of me still unwilling to accept the fact that I have NO coordination at all, thought "OOH! I CAN CATCH THAT AND IT WILL BE AWESOME!" I watched the rum cake rise as if in slow motion. I saw it coming down, enhaloed in shimmering golden god rays of sunlight. My hand came up, then down, my fingers clenched… NAILED IT!

Except I didn't because my fingers clenched like a second too late and instead, I ended up slam-dunking Bilbo right in the head. He scrambled away into the corner and glowered at me with the seething hatred of a thousand volcanoes. I can't say as I blame him. I mean, how would you feel if you were minding your own damn business only to find yourself on the receiving end of a random meteoric rum cake smiting? My basenjis caught wind of this at which point they both ran out into the kitchen and froze, like… Dog.exe has stopped functioning because the conflict between wanting to "Hungry Hungry Hippo floorbound food before the other dog gets it" and "chase cat" fried their little doggy brains. I used that moment to quickly scoop it back up and see if it was salvageable.

Aside from a little cat hair, it was okay. I gave it a bath in some eggnog (would have used milk but we were out and not a single one of the fucknodules I live with thought to put it on the grocery list) then I set it in the oven for a bit because I was NOT about to let this big, beautiful rum cake be ruined by cat hair and kitchen floor detritus. It was surprisingly quite yummy heated up which is great but I think Bilbo probably won't be speaking to me for a while.

TL;DR: TIFU by slam-dunking my cat in the head with rum cake.
I sit hunched over a desk for hours on end, staring at a computer screen, making incremental changes to Photoshop documents and agonizing relentlessly over minutiae most people won't even notice, hoping that the end result will yield enough e-validation to fill the gaping crater where my self-esteem is supposed to be.

I also like to ruin my knees while daydreaming about being a beautiful, intelligent, talented, rich, overachieving hero set to a soundtrack of the same five or six songs on repeat that I will eventually get tired of as mosquitoes chase me through hot, humid flying spider-infested Florida backstreets every night for about an hour because I have trouble accepting the increasingly difficult to ignore fact that you can't out-exercise a bad diet and if you want to be thin, especially if you come from a family with a strong genetic predisposition towards obesity, you can only eat the things you like once in a very rare while or in such minuscule quantities that you might as well not be eating them at all which relegates you to either eating so little that you feel like you're constantly starving or eating things you absolutely loathe with the seething hatred of a thousand suns such as beets, carrots, and celery that smell and taste like literal, actual poison to you because your parents were idiotic fuckknobs who raised you on a diet of pure sugar so everything that doesn't have sugar in it tastes like bullshit and you're probably going to develop Type 2 Diabetes at some point but perhaps if you exercise excessively enough you can stave it off until your patellas disintegrate at the age of 40 which is coming up a lot more rapidly than you would ever have thought possible because time seems to speed up exponentially with every passing year which makes you afraid to blink as you might suddenly find yourself playing bingo to a soundtrack of wheezing, coughing, and nebulizers but even that is probably fairly optimistic as you'll be lucky to make 45 before that heart attack, stroke, or aneurysm finally decides to happen.

I also occasionally like to sit down with a hunk of dead tattooed plant matter and disengage from reality because that is much more enjoyable than doing the other things I should be doing instead such as paying bills, vacuuming, dusting, talking on the phone with health insurance representatives from India who I can't understand, and interacting with escaped Dunning-Kruger research monkeys in an attempt to sort out why my internet moves at the speed of grass growing... in a place where there is no grass... and why my DISH TV box keeps recording Game of Thrones en Español even though I have it set to record the English channel.

(Would you believe me if I told you I'm actually a decently happy person for the most part? :P)

I also like to shart my navel-gazing prattle into textfields so that maybe five or six other people will read it and reply with their own comments which is more satisfying than doing other things I should be doing like taking a shower and doing the laundry and generally being an adult.

Comments


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:iconlolinilandecadon:
Lolinilandecadon Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday :party:
And best hopes for your condition!
Reply
:iconcosmocoyote:
CosmoCoyote Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Happy Birthday!Have your cake and eat it too :D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:icongrandmasterfdc:
GrandMasterFDC Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Professional Digital Artist
Happy Birthday! I'm on fire!
Reply
:iconc4rl0sd4n13l:
C4rl0sD4n13l Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
I know that this is a bit late but here it comes. Also, I am a bit short of personalized phrases for each birthdays, so I hope that this will be good for you.....:

Singing Singing Today's gonna be a-okSinging Singing 
SingingSinging 
Singing Singing 'Cause we're celebratin' your birthdaySinging Singing 
Singing Singing 
Singing Singing Happy birthday, BoobieSinging Singing 
Singing Singing 
Singing Singing Celebratin' your birthday!Headbang! Headbang! Headbang! Headbang!
Airborne Airborne Airborne Airborne Airborne Airborne Airborne Airborne Airborne 

I wish you a Happy Birthday and that all your wishes of Birthday are accomplished. 

And remember, keep being cool and classy.
Reply
:iconskunkman001:
Skunkman001 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Professional Photographer
Happy Birthday! :cake:
Reply
:iconethanredotter:
EthanRedOtter Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Student Writer
Super Fantastic Golden Platter Cake 3D Happy birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!Super Fantastic Golden Platter Cake 3D 
Reply
:iconkyrst:
kyrst Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Student
Happy birthday!! c: 
Reply
:iconkrelianalpha:
Krelianalpha Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!:party::cake::party:
Reply
:iconkur-lev:
Kur-Lev Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  New Deviant Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday! Birthday cake  icon 
Reply
:iconfrankt:
FrankT Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday! Hope you have an amazing day :)
Reply
:iconanotalenthack:
anotalenthack Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy Birthday!
Reply
:icondestiny3000:
Destiny3000 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Hope you have a great day!
Reply
:iconmrparaduo:
MrParaduo Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist Writer
Happy birthday! :clap:
Reply
:iconstormlover10:
Stormlover10 Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy Birthday! Pinkie Pie #2  I hope it's a great one and I wish you the best! Hug
Reply
:iconvexfox:
VexFox Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Professional Photographer
Happy birthday! :la:
Reply
:icontimmainsson:
timmainsson Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy Birthday  
We are all better for your presents !
Reply
:icondykroon-chan:
dykroon-chan Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
happy birthday =)
Reply
:icondrawtoonzstudio:
DrawtoonzStudio Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy birthday! :party: :cake:
Reply
:iconbobcatt:
bobcatt Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Professional General Artist
Happy Birthday!
Reply
:iconperceptor:
Perceptor Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy BDAY!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconsardonicat:
SardoniCat Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy birthday !Super Fantastic Golden Platter Cake 3D 
Reply
:iconthestrangething:
TheStrangeThing Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy B-day! Have a nice day! =)
Reply
:iconcollinmagney:
CollinMagney Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016
Happy Birthday!
Reply
:iconcelem:
Celem Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Hobbyist Photographer
Happy Birthday :)
Reply
:iconxfeajix:
xFeajix Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2016  Professional General Artist
happy birthday
Reply
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